Today’s blog post is a little heavier than most other’s that I do. I have briefly mentioned in other posts how I’ve been going to see a therapist. Today I want to talk about why. This is a deep blog post not because I’m ashamed to go to therapy. I am 100% not ashamed by this at all (let’s get that straight). I think every single person could use a therapist and I want very much to normalize making mental health a priority. But I am talking very personally about some of my struggles and issues which I don’t normally highlight on my blog.
I think we all have that image in our head of how things should be, compared to how things actually are. I think there is who we strive to be, and who we actually are. And when we realize that those things aren’t adding or equalling each other, we get lost about what to do next.
I’ve started going to therapy. I started going after hitting a breaking point this past summer around the July of 4th. It was definitely a gradual build-up starting earlier this year that I didn’t understand at the time until the middle of the summer where I sat surrounded by some of my best friends and I was so unhappy. And I felt so ridiculous feeling this way, but I could not get a grasp on my emotions.
I realized that I was upset on more days than I was happy. I realized things that used to bring me so much joy were making me irritable and pissy. I realized when I was surrounded by my best friends, that I didn’t want to be there and I couldn’t understand why. I realized my anxiety about every little thing was practically paralyzing me and making me not want to leave the house. I would have days where I would just sit at home and dwell on how undeserving I am of all the good things in my life. These feelings kept happening over and over again in waves and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just shake it all off, because life isn’t that bad and people have it worse, right?
Reading all these realizations back, how awful does all of that sound? There were so many days I was masking how I felt, but it got to the point where I was just outwardly showing everyone how unhappy I was.
So it was around the time of July 4th when I was going through another one of these ‘bad mood fits’ that I isolated myself in my house for a few days and avoided all of the social gatherings I was invited to. I sulked and over ate and overanalyzed every single thing I’ve ever done in my life. My best friend had just randomly reached out to me and I just word-vomitted everything I was feeling. She mentioned to me how therapy may be the a good option for me.
We talked about how it would be good for me to turn these concerns about my emotions to a professional who 1. Is separate from any personal perspective of anything I was going through and 2. Could help me dig a little deeper to why I was having these waves of unhappiness and lack of mood control and 3. Would have no choice but to listen to me vent and talk about my feelings.
So after thinking about this for a few hours, I called my mom and told her I wanted to talk to a therapist. It wasn’t so much ‘asking permission’ as much as it was letting her know I was doing this (and I am still on her insurance, so I wanted to know what was covered). My mom didn’t ask questions. She just said “okay”, and that was all I needed.
I know that not everyone has money or access to a therapist. I’m very lucky to still be on my parent’s insurance and it covers a wide range of psychological specialists in my area. Here are the steps I took to finding a therapist:
- Research the kind of focus you want these sessions to be on (mine were ‘talk therapy’ but some people may want relationship, couples, behavioral, psychoanalysis…)
- See what your insurance covers
- Look at the bios of different therapists to see who appeals to you
- Reach out to a few via email
- Book an appointment
So I’ve been going to see a therapist since July. And it isn’t perfect. Things didn’t automatically get better when I started going and my therapist and we are still unraveling a lot of deep issues I didn’t even know were there. I feel like I have a lot of emotional growth I need to develop, and we’ve only scratched the surface.
Things I’ve been working on in therapy:
- Mindfulness when I get these ‘bad-feelings’
- Communication with those around me
- Looking to the future and not worrying about the now
- Standing up for myself and being an advocate for my own needs
- Taking chances and not letting my anxiety stop me
I’m definitely not shy when it comes to telling people I go to therapy (obviously). I may downplay the reasons why, but I am such a firm believer that every single person should have a therapist. I’ve been pretty open with my friends and family about going to therapy too, which has sparked a bunch of people to reach out to me and confess they’ve thought about therapy too. I also like being able to talk more about the importance of self-care and when we’re not having the best mental health days.
Mental health is just as important as physical health and should be taken just as seriously. I mean c’mon. The brain is basically our most vital organ and is so complex. Not everything is going to work perfectly all of the time. You wouldn’t ignore a broken arm or a sprained ankle, so don’t ignore when your thoughts and emotions aren’t where you want them to be. You won’t be able to do anything in life successfully if you’re allowing your mental health to deteriorate. If you’re struggling with your mental health, it’s okay to ask for help!
I want to end this blog post with a few sources for if you or someone you know is struggling with mental health:
- TWLOHA
- Teen Health Matters
- National Awareness of Mental Illness
- Anxiety and Depression Association
- MentalHealth.gov
I encourage you to seek help in one way, shape or form if you’re struggling mentally or emotionally. I found that therapy has helped me a great deal, but that is just one of the many ways to combat mental illness. I also think half of getting better comes from acknowledging a problem and wanting to change. So if this is a small wake-up call to bring some self-awareness to you, then I’m glad you’re reading this post.
So this turned out to be a much longer blog than I expected. And I honestly feel like I haven’t even gotten into everything I wanted to discuss about mental health. Perhaps this will end up being a series that I talk about on my blog, just because I think it’s that important. I’m only scratching the surface here, but at the very least, I am happy to be opening up the topic of mental health here.
It’s okay to not be okay, but it’s not okay to stay that way.
Thanks for reading! xx