I am very anxious about this next decade. There are so many questions that send me spiraling. Am I gonna get married, am I gonna have kids, am I gonna move out, where will I move out to, can I make new friends, can I keep my old friends, who’s still gonna be around, who won’t be… And I freak myself out because a lot can happen in a year and even more can happen in a decade. It’s normal to make goals and have hopes for the next few years to come, but for the next decade of my life? I don’t even know where to start.
I’ll be 34 in 2030. So needless to say, the reason I’m freaking out so much about this next decade is because people always say your twenties are such a pivotal time. If I start to think about all the things that could happen, my head starts to spin. If I start to think of the things that could possibly not happen, I start to spiral into a panic.
Not everyone’s path is a straight line and there’s nothing wrong with wanting your life to go a certain way. But I find myself not wanting to set a lot of goals or ambitions right now because there are so many things out of my control. I’m guessing that my life will change in 10 years, but for all I know, I could still be living at home with my parents, in the same town, with my same job, still single and with no kids.
I feel like this past decade of my life was very predictable. I did everything I was supposed to do. I went from middle school to high school, then high school to college. Even when I graduated from college I was not super excited about it because I felt it was what was expected of me. I could write out the path in which I hope my life will take in the next decade, but the truth is- I don’t want to waste my time typing it out.
I’m writing this post with the mindset that none of the things I predict could happen (or want to happen) will at all. Or they could all totally happen in a way I never expected. The general things I referring to that I’m expecting to happen in the next 10 years include: moving out, getting a new job, falling in love, getting married, have kids, buying a house… you know, things that usually happen in their late 20s/early 30’s for a lot of people. But that may not be the case for me.
Since graduating college, I have met so many new people that are in different stages of life than myself. Because of this, I think I have been exposed to the different courses in which life could take in the next 10 years. I have a few colleagues who tell me stories about what they were doing when they were my age and what they would or wouldn’t have done differently. It’s very eye-opening because I don’t think enough young people get to be this perspective on life in their youth while it’s actively happening. Could be just a millennial thing…
So what I really don’t want to do right now is say “In 10 years, I’ll be married with at least 2 kids (1 boy and 1 girl) working in NYC with a 6 figure salary job and a white picket fence and a dog and …” because the truth is, I don’t know if I’ll want that in 10 years. (I don’t know if I even want that for future me right now). 10 years ago I would have expected myself to be seriously dating/married to someone by now, and living on my own, but that is clearly not in the cards at the moment. What I want for myself in the next 10 years, may not actually be what I want in the moment when it’s actually happening. Plans change, people change and priorities change.
Not to mention, I don’t want that to limit myself in the next 10 years by predicting where I think I should be by 2030. If I set a specific life expectation and it doesn’t happen, does that mean the last 10 years of my life were a failure? Like I didn’t achieve everything the 24 year old version of myself wanted me to? I’m convinced that 34 year old me is gonna roll her eyes so hard at this current version of myself and say “Oh that’s what you thought was gonna happen? That’s how you wanted things to go? That’s where you wanted to be? That’s what you were stressing and obsessing over so much? Girl stop.”
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.
Reinhold Niebuhr
So right now I’m trying to focus on the things I can change and the things I can’t. I know in the next 10 years I can work towards a lot of goals. I know I have a lot of support behind me and I know that there are so many doors to be opened (and even a few that need to be closed). I want to embrace the idea that no matter what life looks like at any point during this decade, I can make the best of it, I have the power to change my life at any moment, and everything happens for a reason.
So on that note, I didn’t want to wrap up with blog post about literally “setting goals” without including some broad ones. Now I want to remind you that goals are different than hopes. A goal is something you can work towards and measure (think SMART goals lol). Hopes and dreams are something that can only be left up to God and fate (at least in my eyes). I’m not going to tell you my specific hopes because I’m superstitious and am concerned that if I do than I’m jinxing them and they won’t happen.
Goals:
- talk to and see my family and friends as often as possible
- be open to the changes and opportunities that are presented to me
- allow myself the grace and permission to not get everything right and to make mistakes
- remember my goals and ambitions to drive me further in my career
- learn as much as I can, whenever I can
- travel at every opportunity I get
- love freely and openly without fear
- make the person I am right now in this moment proud
So after writing all of this out, I have to admit I’m a little relieved. I was talking to my therapist about this anxiety I’ve been feeling about the new decade and she reminded me that I’m doing better than I think I am. I know we all tend to be hardest on ourselves, but it was nice to be reminded that I’m still doing pretty well for where I currently am, even if I’m not completely where I want to be. So cheers to the next 10 years and everything that comes along with them!
How are you feeling about entering this new decade? Comment below!
Thanks for reading! xx