So I’m pretty sure cuffing season (cuffing szn?) is over now. Woohoo, we’re free. Or are we? If you don’t know about cuffing, I explained it below. Now that this season is over, I have finally acknowledged that the time to get cuffed or to cuff someone else has passed so the pressure is off. Or is it? This basically this is an update on my dating life (or rather, the lack there of) so click the ‘read more’ button to read more.
If you don’t know exactly what cuffing szn is or where the term came from, here is a fun article that explains it. Cuffing season is basically a timeline in which people date. I use the term ‘cuffing season’ for the whole schedule, but here’s how it breaks down.
- SCOUTING: August 1-31.
- DRAFTING: September 1-30.
- TRYOUTS: October 1-31.
- PRESEASON: November 1-30.
- CUFFING SEASON: December 1-January 15.
- PLAYOFFS: January 16-February 13.
- CHAMPIONSHIP GAME: February 14.
If you couldn’t tell from the schedule, cuffing season usually begins around major holidays such as Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas and rounds out between New Years Eve and Valentine’s. This are holidays in which most people like to bring someone home to the fam for, or have a warm body next to them to kiss under a mistletoe or at midnight. This is also when it’s really cold out so you need a man or woman to keep you warm at night. (That’s science right? Personally, I think you should just buy yourself a coat but anyway…) Relationships usually fall off after Valentine’s Day when these couples realize they don’t have any major holidays to stick with each other anymore, and the weather is getting nicer. They break up after Valentine’s Day and then they’re free for the spring and summer to do whatever they want. This is just my take on cuffing season, but here’s a source to back that up.
Y’all… I didn’t even make it to tryouts in 2019. But that’s not for lack of trying! Over the summer I went on a bunch of first dates. One of which was literally awful and I faked a stomach ache to leave early and go home. But I didn’t give up…at the time. I even went out with someone consecutively for a few weeks. I’m talking 6 dates. But where did that get me? Ghosted back in October (hmm how festive for spooky szn) and completely uncuffed during cuffing season. I was even seeing two guys at one time (which I personally prefer so I don’t get too attached to either and both of them know that they ain’t shit). But neither one of them wished me a happy birthday on my birthday, so we quickly moved on from those bad vibes.
Every time I thought something had potential or was going to go somewhere…I was wrong. I noticed that when I stopped being the one making and suggesting plans with these boys, no plans were made. So even though I kept trying to keep things going longer than I should have, I got ghosted or got tired of constantly being the only one putting in effort. At the time it was a bummer to feel like I put a lot of time and effort into people who didn’t deserve it, but now I feel confident that the things that are clearly not meant for me are no longer around me.
From around Christmas to February, I purposefully took a break from all dating apps and stopped actively seeking romance. That was a good thing since life was hectic with the holiday’s and I was feeling a little burned out from being so busy.
But recently I tried again with the dating apps. I redownloaded Hinge after Valentine’s Day with the mindset that February 14th was the championship for a lot of couples…and a lot of men would soon be walking away as losers. So it was my time to shine! But that didn’t last long.
I really tried to go into this with the best intentions, I swear. I had talked to my therapist a few weeks ago about not putting too much pressure on myself when it comes to dating. So I remade my profile and started swiping. I have to say it was comforting to see that there were a lot of attractive, nice guys near me looking to date too. But I quickly figured out I like dating better in theory.
Don’t get me wrong. There were a bunch of really nice guys out there that had similar interests to mine and wanted to get to know me more. But my issue was, I didn’t want to get to know them. How awful is that? One guy suggested a date for Sunday and I was pretty lukewarm to the idea. And then when my friend asked if I wanted to adventure with her on Sunday, I realized I would much rather spend time with her then force small talk with a random stranger. And that’s when I knew. I don’t want to make the time to date right now. Is it because I’m discouraged after my experiences last summer? Possibly. But realizing that doesn’t make me want to try harder.
So last night after a few pep talks from a few of my best friends, I decided to be an adult and text the men I was currently talking to this:
“hey, I’m so sorry, because you seem really great, but honestly I’ve decided to take a break from dating to focus on some other things. I wish you the best”.
(Kalen wrote this out for me)
Most of them didn’t respond, but I did get a nice message from a guy back saying he totally understood and respects that. Don’t we love to see reasonable and respectful men?! That was great to see…but still didn’t make me want to go on any dates.
So that’s currently where I am with dating. I’m not dating. I’m making an active choice not to date. I’ve written a very personal ‘note-to-self’ in my phone to read every time I get the urge to redownload a dating app to stop myself. Maybe one day I’ll post that note on the blog, but for now, it’s just for me.
I read an article on The Stripe a few months ago about how dating isn’t supposed to be easy. And knowing me, if a relationship actually came easy to me right now, I probably wouldn’t think it was good anyway. In the last year I’ve definitely become more open to the idea of dating and put myself out there. I’m proud of myself for that! But I can just feel it in my soul right now, that I do not want to go through the process of dating. It’s not how I want to spend my time right now and that’s okay! I think I just need to remind myself about this whenever I get lonely or envious of people’s happy relationships (which does happen sometimes). You know they always say your 20s are supposed to be your selfish years. Well it looks like I’m holding true in 2020. Should be easy, now that cuffing season is over.
How’s your dating life going? Comment below!
Thanks for reading! xx