Top

kimbermoose

Dear White Women: We Need To Do Better

For the last two weeks, I have muted myself on social media and here on the blog in an effort to amplify Black voices and sources that are educating the public on systemic racism. While I’ve been sharing a lot of posts I find educational on my Instagram stories, I have refrained from making any post up until today. Mainly because I wanted to get my words in order, but also because I’m starting to sense that things are going “back to normal”. And I don’t want that to be the case. I’ve gone back and forth on what I want to say. I’ve narrowed it down to this post for right now, but I’m really only scratching the surface.

There are no affiliate links in this post.

To my fellow white women: we need to do better. 

This blog post is for white people- women specifically. Other than the large majority of diverse people who visit my website to learn about double jaw surgery, if you read my blog, you’re probably a young white woman. That is the demographic I assume reads my blog most often, so I feel it is best for me to use this platform to reach out to you- white woman to white woman.

PSA ladies: What we have been doing is not enough. 

Trust me, I know how ironic this is. Why is a privileged white woman trying to tell me about racism? My goal for this article is to poke the women that are like me into action. Into ‘getting it’. We all have biases we need to unlearn. We all have a part to play in the fight against racial injustice. You can’t just post a black square on Instagram and move on. There is so much more that needs to be done and so much we have not addressed.

So this is for you. For us. I’m in this just as much as you are, because I know I can do better too.

Hey Kim, why are you calling me out?

Throughout history, white women have been supported by white supremacy. 53% of white women elected Trump. A white woman lied and Emmett Till was killed. Even suffragettes fighting for women’s right to vote, only fought for the white women. It’s even highlighted in recent news when Amy Cooper, the white woman who called the police on a Black bird-watcher in Central Park. You have probably seen the video. Here is an excellent article that explains that she knew exactly what she was doing when she called police on this man and said “I’m going to tell them there’s an African American man threatening my life.” As white women, we are considered an ‘oppressed oppressor’ . We know what it’s like to face inequality and have to fight for our rights, while also continuously contributing to oppressing another group of people. Because we are white and this country is set up to help us succeed over people of color.

It is blindly ignorant to ignore the racial injustices plagued on the Black community here in America. Black women make 62 cents to the white man’s dollar. Black men and boys are 2.5x more likely to be killed by police. Black women are 4x more likely to die in childbirth. Black people are 5x more likely to be arrested by police. Black people are 4x more likely to die of COVID-19. The numbers don’t lie.

Now this is not a call-out post to white men. Yet. Don’t worry boys, your time will shine eventually. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how all the straight white men in my life have been almost completely silent throughout all of this, hiding behind the notion of “oh I never post on social media anyway”. White silence is compliance.

But Kim, I’m not racist!

We have surpassed the point to argue about whether or not you are racist. If you are a white person in America, you benefit from the systemic racism this country is built on. It’s not enough to be ‘not-racist’. We need to actively be ‘anti-racist’ and use our privilege to protect Black lives.

You know who also said she wasn’t racist? Amy Cooper. Yet she still knew if she called the police on an Black man and ‘cried wolf’, then the police would believe her. That could have resulted in this man losing his life. That is a prime example as to why each and every one of us need to start digging deeper into ourselves and addressing that no matter how anti-racist we think we are and how socially-conscious and ‘woke’ we are, we still have hidden biases we need to examine. When these behaviors go unchecked, that’s when the Amy Coopers come out to play. Or, in an extreme case, the three men who followed and murdered Ahmaud Arbery.

But Kim! On social media, everyone says I’m doing the wrong thing.

This is not about you. This is about Black people. This is about dismantling the system in which we are given privilege. And you will mess up along the way.

Yes, there are a lot of contradicting things on the internet right now about what is helpful and what is not. Yes, I acknowledge the difference between ‘intent’ and ‘impact’, but you need to get over the idea that you will be perfect in practicing anti-racism all the time. You will say the wrong thing sometimes. You will intend to do something good, but the impact is harmful. You will be called out, schooled and argued with. But that doesn’t mean you throw in the towel and give up.

This is not about you. Graciously accept constructive criticism. Admit you don’t know enough about a subject, or were misinformed in the past, and educate yourself. Forgive yourself for what you didn’t know and strive to be better the next day and the day after that.

This also goes for when you are checking the white people in your inner circle. We all have a fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Some are hesitant to confront others at fear of being ‘showed-up’ or causing a riff in a relationship. Many of us are anti-racism novices and are constantly trying to figure out the right thing to say. No joke, there is a lot of information and statistics out there, that can be overwhelming, especially during an argument. But when this anxiety prevents you from speaking up against the microaggressions or comments about the news, you’re complying with white supremacy. Plain and simple. Not being a terminology expert or statistician shouldn’t stop you from shutting down a bigoted statement from a family member, coworker or friend.

Recently, I’ve reevaluated the term ‘ally’. I used to say that “oh of course I’m an ally! I’ve done ~this~ and ~this~ and ~that~”. But I learned that ‘being an ally’ is not my decision. It is not my position to declare myself an ally to the Black community. Calling myself an ally doesn’t make me ‘one of the good ones’. I have learned that allyship is not an end goal, but life-long commitment to practice and uphold anti-racism. There isn’t a quick fix to this major systemic problem. And as much as there is to do with the entire system itself, we also have a lot to work on internally.

So Kim, what do I do now?

Educate yourself. Donate money. Sign petitions. Get out in the streets and protest. Check in on your Black friends and colleagues. Support Black businesses and Black creators. Have difficult conversations with white friends, coworkers and family.

I highly recommend following these people on Instagram and checking out their websites. I may be a gateway to a lot of my white colleagues and friends understanding what has truly been happening in this country, but these black men and women know so much more than I do.

And these accounts are willing to share and teach the public. Remember, it is not a Black person’s job to educate you.

While making this post, I had originally included small Black businesses to buy from, books to read to educate yourself and movies to watch to learn more about systemic racism . But forcing all of those into resources and topics into one post felt wrong. I am not proud of my lack of support for Black businesses, artists, and authors in the past on this blog. But I will strive to incorporate and support more of those businesses and creators in the future.

A picture I took at the protest in my hometown

Here is a Google Doc that includes many several helpful links to show your support to Black Lives Matter.

Petitions to Sign:

(A reminder that if you donate to a cause on change.org, the money does not go to the cause, it goes to the website.)

Organizations to Donate To:

Don’t have the money to donate right now? Stream this video and don’t skip the ads! The ad revenue will directly go to BLM.

But Kim, am I really going to make a difference?

In just the two weeks that protests began in honor of George Floyd, here are just some of the positive changes that have already happened:

But that doesn’t mean we slow down. Signing petitions is working. Protesting is working. Educating yourself and sharing what you’ve learned is helping to bring awareness. While some positive changes have happened in the last few weeks, we still have such a long way to go. Change is possible. But you need to put in the work to keep the momentum going.

Feeling called out? Good! You should be uncomfortable. Racism is uncomfortable. Black people have been ‘uncomfortable’ (to put it lightly) for years. We as white women are part of the problem. But we can also be part of the solution.

The year 2020 will be in history books. When you look back on this year, what side of history will you tell people you were on? What will you tell your kids you did? What are you doing now to ensure a better future?

Thanks for reading. xx

Social

Archives