Today is my last day of being 24! And I have a lot of thoughts on that, so here is some spilled ink on turning 25.
Every year I make a birthday post, but this one is a little different. I used to classify every new year as a new chapter. So every September 24th, I got to start over with new goals, hopes and affirmations. I flip the page and start something new. What I’m realizing now is that this chapter of my life is much longer than I expected.
I can segment every part of my life up until this point. My childhood, my tween years, high school, and college. To me the ‘after college’ years are a free fall. I really don’t know where and when I will land. Everything up until I graduated was expected of me. Everything had a time frame. I went along with the standardized timeline many Americans follow. But now I have a complete open road and I don’t know when to get off on an exit. I don’t know what exit I should get off on!
When I’m old and grey, I’ll look back on these years as a whole; not as 23, 24, 25, 26… because even now, it all starts to blend together. Nothing big has happened in any of these years to warrant their own chapters. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just the truth!
So let’s be honest, 25 looks exactly like 24 so far. Except worse because I can’t hug my friends or travel or go to concerts and there’s the deadly virus going around. Didn’t see that one coming!
If you’re in the mood for a good laugh, go check out my ‘turning 24′ post. I wrote “Can’t wait to see what this year has in store for me. I have a pretty good feeling it’s gonna be a good one…” HONEY YOU’VE GOT A BIG STORM COMING. Did I in my wildest dreams think a global pandemic would hit 6 months into being 24? Absolutely not. So this year, I’m not jinxing it by expecting anything.
Looking back on my “Golden Birthday” post now, I can tell that I was sad when I wrote that. I was uneasy. I was anxious. And I couldn’t understand why.
Maybe it was because I was questioning still living at home, I was frustrated with my dating life, I was struggling with some friendships and I was worried I was not living my life to the fullest it could be. But having to adapt to a global pandemic has shifted my perspective on all of that.
I have made the conscious decision to stay at home for as long as I can, my dating life is non-exist (on purpose) which cuts out a lot of stress, I don’t see my friends enough to have any issues with them and I’m no longer worried about not living up to my expectations to what my twenties are supposed to be. That last point is because I never thought I’d have to adjust my goals and ambitions to fit around a pandemic.
As I’m writing this post it’s surprising to me that I feel more at peace this year. I feel calmer and more content with my age. Perhaps this feeling comes from having to navigate a global pandemic or strange acknowledgement that the entire world is turned upside-down right now. I can’t possibly be expected to have my shit together during all of this. The pressure is off! It looks like one of the biggest themes of 24 for me was “it’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal to it”. My mom always says that to me.
Not to mention, I feel like I have a lot more to worry about in the present moment than my age. My anxiety on current events and politics and the state of the world is at an all time high, but that has nothing to do with my birthday. Phew? Call it acceptance or disassociation…but I’d like to focus on getting through 2020, please and thank you.
I thought this year I would be more freaked out about being in my mid-twenties. 25! I’m basically 30. Right? Wrong. I feel optimistic. I feel young. I feel like I have endless possibilities for my life, even if certain things don’t happen for a while. I’m a procrastinator at heart, so maybe this is my year! I don’t want to spend my twenties hoping and wishing for more fulfilling or exciting life later down the line. But I also acknowledge there is only so much I can do in this current moment, so I need to make peace with that.
Last year I talked about how ‘this isn’t how I expected life to be at 24′. How are you feeling now Kim? Huh? But I have completely rejected every idea of what my life is supposed to be right now.
So maybe 24 was my year of finding peace in where my life is and 25 is just continuing that. Last year I was feeling unsure of where I was meant to be and what I was supposed to accomplish by 24. But throw in a global pandemic and I have come to realize that all bets are off. Nothing will every be completely normal again, so I need to throw out every concept of what this year and my overall twenties are supposed to look like. I already know there is no set timeline for me, so now it’s a matter of just making the best out of what life is right now. I take comfort in the idea that life’s circumstances have reenforced the idea that there is no set timeline for anyone these days.
So let’s just keep on moving. Let’s keep rolling with the punches. Let’s be grateful for what we have. Let’s not long for something else. Let’s not wish things could have been different. Let’s focus on the present.
Last year I wrote: But by this point in my life, I am trying not to have any specific expectations for my 20s because I know how much life can change in a second and take a completely left turn from what you expect. I want to embrace where life takes me and not focus on where I think I should be because I trust in God’s plan he’s laid out for me even if I second guess it sometimes.
Alright let’s try that one again! Take 25, action!
Thanks for reading! xx