It’s hard to find the words to describe 2020 because I am mentally still in March. This was a very abnormal year and there was a lot of changes and stress and anxiety. When I set my goals for 2020 a year ago, I did not picture this year being like this at all. Who had “deadly virus”, “quarantine”, and “murder hornets” on their 2020 bingo card? And while I do not want to spend the time reviewing every single aspect of 2020 (because it’s over and done and I just want to continue to move forward), I did want to reflect on my 2020 goals and my ‘one word’.
I’m happy to say I did accomplish the 3 goals I set for myself last year (well…mostly). My goals last year were to:
- Increase my monthly student loan amount so I can pay them off faster
- Read more, so I can get up to 50 books by the end of the year
- Get my mental health under control by looking into a new therapist, journaling more and reading my devotional.
I did increase my student loans and continued to pay off monthly payments even though I didn’t have to because ~pandemic~. So that was cool…even if student loans get forgiven this year. I guess we shall see…
I wanted to read more and even though I didn’t get to 26 books, I did read more than I did in 2019. So I’m considering this a victory! Being in a bookclub definitely helped with that and I am proud of myself for the 17 books I did read!
My third goal for 2020 was to get my mental health in check and find a new therapist. I was not in the best headspace at the end of 2019 and was feeling totally burned out and moody. 2020 presented a lot more mental health struggles (because how can any of us expect to act normally when there is literally a pandemic changing everything about life for us?). But these struggles pushed me to finally get a new therapist and I am so glad I did! My new therapist is amazing and even though life looks so different right now, the weird thing is that I feel more in control of my mental health.
For 2020, my one word resolution was unapologetic. And I think in the chaos of 2020, I forgot that that was my word of the year. But looking back, I think I really lived up to it.
Last year I wrote:
“I picked this word because I’ve noticed recently that I tend to over apologize for things, even when they’re not my fault. I apologize for others when their actions or situations have nothing to do with me. I’m a people pleaser so I always tend to do things that make life easier for others or make other people’s happiness/comfort a priority over my own. By being so apologetic all the time I’ve really sacrificed my own thoughts and right to share my beliefs because I’m worried people won’t agree with me. I have started hiding big parts of who I am and what I enjoy because I’m worried I won’t be accepted for it. But that’s all gotta stop.”
One of the most important things I’ve learned this year is the need to set boundaries. It’s become clear throughout this year that not everyone has the same mindset on this global pandemic and in order to keep yourself and your loved ones safe, you need to set strict boundaries with what you are comfortable with. I had more than enough opportunities this year to express and reinforce my boundaries and be unapologetic about what is best for me now.
During a year in which there has been so much injustice, unrest and madness, I became very unapologetic in sharing my political views. Over the years I have not always been that vocal about my beliefs and what I stand for, but in 2020, I have no longer considered that an option. Silence is compliance. I am constantly learning and listening and I know sometimes I don’t get it right, but I am so far beyond the point of not speaking up when I see or hear something that is not right. That definitely won’t stop just because 2020 is over and we enter a new presidency. If anything, the need to continue to learn, to speak up, to stand up will only become stronger.
I feel I also became unapologetically myself this year. Why? Because we’re all living through a major historical event that is anxiety inducing and very stressful and why wouldn’t I? And I don’t mean it in the sense of “Kim is doing whatever the hell she wants now” because that is definitely not the case. I have become more mindful of how my actions can impact others and that is why I wear a mask, stay at home and listen to scientists. But on a personal note, I’ve started to feel less anxious or fearful when I reveal a part of myself to people. My hobbies, my passions, my weird Kim Thoughts. It’s also a little harder to feel self-conscious when you don’t see people as much and there are so many other things to worry about than ‘the mortifying ordeal of being known’.
So what is 2021 going to look like? To be frank, I don’t want to feel any sort of hope for this year. I have no real goals, resolutions or ambitions. 2020 taught me to just be grateful for what I have. 2020 really through me (and I’m sure everyone else) for a loop. So rather than list out all of this things I want to do, or things I hope happen this year, I am only going to list these three things:
- Get better at using my sewing machine: Now that I have learned the basics, I have all of these wild and ambitious sewing crafts that I hope I can accomplish. Especially since I still live at home and my mom is around to help me. I just need to practice more!
- Start working out again-regularly: Wow, working out really fell off this year because of quarantine. I miss OrangeTheory like crazy but I don’t feel comfortable at gyms right now. Thankfully my dad just fixed our treadmill (after Pepper chewed up the power chord a few years ago). I have really liked the 12-3-30 challenge and these Youtube videos lately.
- Be brave: This may be my word for the year. And yes, this is super broad and I know it is hard to be brave when you don’t leave your house. But I really want to be braver in my everyday life. So many anxieties stop me from doing the bare minimum or changing up anything in my life. Whether that is trying something new, taking a chance on someone or just getting out of my comfort zone more- I wanted to be braver and not let my anxieties stop me from going for things.
The pictures from this post were taken last year at the Savage Mill Manor house! You can check out that post here!
What are your hopes for 2021? Comment below!
Thanks for reading! xx