Like many of us, my body has changed in the last 2 years since the Panda Express started. And I don’t think I realized it until February. Given- I was isolating and bunkering down in my apartment for most of winter due to all the COVID going around. As I get older, I start to accept that my body needs consistent movement and exercise in order to function at it’s prime. So when I was sick and not moving my body as frequently as I used to, its no wonder my body changed.
As we start to move into a new season, I have decided to clean out my closet. I am selling a bunch of the clothes that don’t fit me anymore and it has been a ~process~. Not because it just takes a while to photograph and post these clothes on my Poshmark, but because I have been trying everything on and it is heartbreaking to see some of my favorite clothes no longer fit.
I spend a lot of money on my clothes. I spend a lot of time curating a closet that really emphasizes my style and when some of my favorite pieces no longer fit, it’s upsetting. Outgrowing clothes and trends is definitely a part of growing up, but I thought I was done this in high school. From the time I started college to the beginning of 2020, I was the same pants size. I know that is not the case for everyone, but I won’t lie- it was nice to have been consistent for that long!
Among my friends, I am infamous for not being in-tune with my body. Example: every time I get my period, it is a total surprise. I know some of my friends are able to notice the changes in their bodies and predict the exact day their period will come, it’s like clockwork. That’s just one example, but I think its pretty symbolic of how much I don’t really listen to what my body tells me. Is it mind over matter? Or just being out of touch. Who’s to say?!
But because of this, I wasn’t paying attention to the changes in my body until a lot of my clothes didn’t fit. Given- we are still in a Panini Press and there are far more important things to focus on than whether or not your jean shorts zip up. But it has been a gradual process for me to accept my ‘new’ body, continue to ~try~ to love it and forgive myself for not being perfect (shocking, I know).
The silver lining: my clothes not fitting me is as good a reason I can think of to buy new clothes. YAY SHOPPING! I am trying to saving up my money right now, but I do think for both my social life and mental health, it’s important I own clothes that actually fit me.
So while I have been selling the clothes that no longer fit, I have also been buying new clothes that actually do. And it feels so good to be able to wear clothes that actually fit. Clothes that feel good, look good and are actually catered to my body. Imagine that!
It’s crazy because lately I’ve had days where I look in the mirror and love how I look. I feel pretty and confident and healthy. Those are good days. But then I have days where I am completely at war with myself and kicking myself for meeting a standard I didn’t even know I set.
I don’t want this post to just come across as a pity party. I just wanted to share some Kim Thoughts and sort out my emotions. I am sure I am not alone in this, do I just want to leave you with a reminder that I often forget as I start to prep for summer:
Clothes are supposed to fit us, not the other way around.
If you’re like me and your body has changed in the last few years, I want you to know you are valid and we are in this together! Self love is an ongoing journey and you will have good days and bad days. I am telling myself this as much as I am telling you – don’t be too hard on yourself. And just wear what feels good!
Thanks for reading! xx