It’s time for my yearly birthday blog! You may notice the absence of a post last year… in which case, all I can do is apologize to myself on that one. This blog acts as a personal diary of my own adventures and thoughts the majority of the time, so it’s my own fault when I fumble a post like that. It’s been some time since I’ve “spilled some ink” on the blog, so without further ado, here is how I’m feeling about turning 30.
In an effort to slowly get my blog back up and running (to a 2019 pace at least), you may notice a few past blogs popping up sporadically because I am trying to back-date some blogs I started a few months ago and never wrapped up. So while the absence of a “28 to 29” blog may be daunting, I am confident I can capture all my thoughts from last year into this year’s post. But enough about the blog!
Today is my last day in my twenties! Honestly, I’m just glad to have made it this far. And it’s not like I wasn’t expecting to get to 30… I just didn’t know what it would look like. I definitely was NOT expecting 30 to look like “living in Maine with my girlfriend with the same job I started as an intern at 20” but BOY am I glad it does!
I’m glad my end of a decade and start of another comes at a time where life already feels very pivotal. Having just moved away from my beloved state of Maryland (which is probably the biggest thing to happen to me since going to college in 2014), I have had to adapt to many changes in the past few months that make me feel like the clock striking midnight on September 24th is NBD. As someone who is usually so hesitant to embrace change, I am very excited for my thirties.
A Decade of Selfishness
As I look back on the last decade of my life, I am very much looking forward to the next. My twenties were fun-filled and hectic! I look back on the places I’ve traveled, the races I’ve run, concerts I’ve been to, the hobbies I’ve started, the friends I’ve made, the horrible dates I’ve gone on, and the one date that changed it all for me.
I loved being in my twenties. I loved being on my own and getting to do whatever I wanted. The years I lived by myself in my schoolhouse apartment will always be so special to me. I spent my twenties prioritizing my friendships and I am forever grateful I did. There is something both riveting and terrifying about experiencing life for the first time. Being in your twenties is like being a toddler in the adult world. You have to figure out rent, insurance, taxes, budgeting, work life balance, friendships, your parents and so much more… and you’re never really sure you’re doing it all correctly. But WOW is life fun when you start making adult money and barely get a hangover.
They say your twenties are your “selfish” years. Honestly? I think I could have been more selfish. I spent a lot of my twenties doing what I thought I should. This includes: going on dates I didn’t want to go on, going out to bars I didn’t want to be at, hanging out with people I didn’t want to be around and truly believing if I did what was expected of me, that I would be successful and happy. It didn’t.
I’m still working on not being such a people pleaser (therapy helps!), but that was such a huge theme in my twenties. I am convinced that if I cared less about what people thought or if I stopped trying to make other people happy or do what everyone else was doing, I would have figured out who I am wayyyyy earlier.
29 was my first official year of being “out”. That’s funny to think about, because I think I knew (to some degree) for a really long time, I just never embraced it. Being loud and proud of your authentic self is beautiful, but also horrifying. Over the last year, I’ve done a lot of recounting and recalling memories from my childhood, high school, college, etc… that make me think “wow that was super gay of me” or “wow the signs were THERE”, but I wasn’t ready to come to terms with that yet. I am confident my thirties will help to solidify what I already know about who I am, and continue to teach me more of what I don’t already know.
That is more of an overarching statement that is not just reduced to my sexuality. My sexuality is only part of who I am. But as I stand in this pivotal door frame of my thirties (just about to walk through the door), I am looking back on a messy decade of who I thought I was and what I thought I wanted. I don’t waste time wishing I could go back and change anything, because I know I can’t. Every decision (good or bad) I made in my twenties brought me to where I am today, and I’m not mad at that.
Thirty, Flirty & Thriving
I have big hopes for my thirties and absolutely no plans. My twenties are a perfect example of having a plan on how you think your life should go, but then you get hit with jaw surgery, a global pandemic, gay panic and beyond. If you had told me when I was 20 that I would be where I am today, I wouldn’t believe you (but isn’t that the case for everyone?).
So I hope my thirties are full of moments with bursting happiness, new adventures, and good health for myself and loved ones. I want to create more things. I want to go to more concerts. I want to feel more financially stable (but honestly, that may NEVER happen). I want to see more of the world. I want to be there for my people and their big moments. I want to be kind to myself.
I’d like to take a moment to reiterate a sentiment I like to remind people of: THIRTY IS STILL SO YOUNG! I don’t feel old at all! I’m not old, I just don’t stretch enough! I still have so much life to live and so much to do, see and learn. Some people don’t even make it to 30, so how lucky am I?
As much as society frames your twenties as back-to-back sucker punches of big choices and big changes, I am not under the illusion that life will ever stop changing. I’ve met people who have to completely start over later in life because of a career change, divorce, money woahs, tragedies, victories, perseverance or pure luck. If I thought my twenties were me just setting up the building blocks for my life, and expecting they will never topple over, I was wrong to believe that! I don’t know what my thirties have in store for me, but I have to believe it will be just as magical as my thirties (but with more sunscreen and stretching).
I hear a lot of people enjoy their thirties wayyyy more than their twenties. I’ll report back in 10 years to see if that’s true or not.
Thanks for reading! xx